Those who know me will know that my mother is a little barmy. (Yes, I’m bored) So here are some of her weird stories, theories and thoughts. False Teeth Mommy began loosing her teeth when she was relatively young and being a social person, having no teeth will have an effect on your life. So false teeth we called for. So far, so normal. However, not too long ago I had a telephone conversation with mother dearest and the conversation went something along the lines of… Mom: Are you at home? Me: No, I’m at EL’s but I shall be home soon. Mom: When you’re home can you look for my false teeth? Me: Erm sure? Where will they be? Mom: I’m not sure, I have lost them. Me:  Later that evening. Mom: Did you find them? Me: No Mom: Darn it, it means I must have taken them out with me and I must have dropped them. Me: Were they not in your mouth? Mom: No, I had them in my pocket. Me:  Recycling With London and the UK trying to increase their rates of recycling, Tower Hamlets have provided every house hold with pink recycling bags. So naturally, every week I bring out a new bag in hope that this household will try to contribute to the preserving the environment. In go the newspapers, the plastic, the tins and cans. Then next day I find a pile of tins and can in the ordinary rubbish bin so I as mother why she’s not recycling the cans. And the reason was “You can’t recycle cans, the rubbish collectors might cut themselves on the sharp edges”. Let me I’m not the only one who wants to bang my head on the table and say to her “It’s ok to recycle cans and in fact, it’s a good thing to go it. They do wear heavy duty gloves” Softening Noodles So we’re typical Chinese, and like our noodles. Mommy made me noodles in soup this morning and said “come get your noodles, don’t let them get soggy!” and I respond: “Yes Mom. I’m coming [No dodgy comments please].” So I finish typing my paragraph so I don’t loose my train of though. 20 seconds later “Get your noodles now, they’re going soggy.” In her mind, that 20 second delay would be all the difference in nice firm noodles or soggy noodles. Never mind the fact that it’s 20 SECONDS. Noodles are now in front of me and they’re too hot to eat unless she would like to scold my mouth, tongue and throat all in pursuit of non soggy noodles. Ok, so I’m explaining this one very well. Does it make any sense? Karaoke This one is definitely an obsession. First it started of as a hobby, something to entertain her. So you copy a few VCD’s for her to keep her amused. How on earth do you go through 150 discs in a year? Average 10 songs per disc so that a collection of 1500 karaoke song. A mix of commercial canto- pop from the 80’s with screeching Chinese opera and so called “funky” 80’s canto pop (if you can even class that as a genre) and on top of her own personal collection, there are the mountain of originals bought in HK . So much for a new hobby to entertain her for an hour here and there. So now she’s gone through 2 VCD players and about 5 microphones she has joined her friends in a singing club, in the local community centre… and the one in Hackney… AND the one in Peckham. At least it’s out of the house and therefore of my ears. Now, there is at least 2 hours of singing every evening she is home and while she’s having dinner, a mouth full of food in between song, obviously music takes priority(!); singing in the kitchen (that’s normal I guess); singing in the bath (ok, I allow her that); singing with a spluttering cough and a monster sore throat; And now singing when she’s lying in bed drifting off to sleep? Come on, I need a break sometime, even if she doesn’t. | 
